STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
