i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
