chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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