This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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