Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize