I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize