She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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