Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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