chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
