I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
bring money and cleavage
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
