So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
