I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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