Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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