my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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