I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
