Only a mothe r could love this liver
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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