I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
