Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
