Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
