I think my vagina is haunted
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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