Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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