I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
