Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
