Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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