from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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