i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
