We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize