apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
