Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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