hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
