so explain again why im purple
no
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize