oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
