guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize