Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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