finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
