i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
