Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
