the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
