I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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