There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
