I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize