one two three fourrrrnication!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
