Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
