I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Small penises have feelings too.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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