ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
