Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
