i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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