i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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