Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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