Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
