There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you will always have a special place in my vag
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
