Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize