i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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