WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
