my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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