I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's Friday. Sex?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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