problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
