ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
In America we eat man semen.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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