I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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