Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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