She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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