i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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