you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
