I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
