and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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